


Examination of Conscience

by tmn1966



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-06
Updated: 2012-02-06
Packaged: 2017-10-30 17:37:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/334361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmn1966/pseuds/tmn1966
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen is 34 years old and a Catholic priest, who befriends Jared, a 24 year-old grad student. Jared is determined to show Jensen what he’s missed out on since entering the seminary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Examination of Conscience

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been wanting to write this for a long time now, probably around eight months. It’s been difficult for me because, although I am a former Catholic, I still respect the people that are called to be priests and nuns. So, I challenged myself to write it and get it out of my brain. Part of the challenge was also to post it. So here it is. And yeah, I’m sure I’ve secured a place in hell now. It’s also unbetaed.

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned.”

Jensen knew that voice. Boy did he ever. Jared Padalecki, college student, member of the GSA, and attended every single meeting Jensen had put together for the St. Joseph’s young adult group and the GSA. And he was the bane of Jensen’s existence.

St. Joseph was one of the oldest churches in the city, but several years ago they had done some remodeling and thankfully gotten rid of the stuffy box confessionals. Now it was a comfortable room with chairs, and the priest sat behind a screen, which the confessant could either kneel behind, or choose to sit opposite the priest, no barrier involved. Jared always chose to stay behind the screen, the implication being that it was naughtier, a simple little screened partition keeping them separated.

“Jared… you aren’t Catholic.”

“What? You can’t absolve my sins if I’m not Catholic?”

“You know that’s not the reason,” he sighed.

“One of these days you’re gonna give in,” Jared said, his voice filthy with innuendo.

Even just the sound of his voice was enough to get Jensen hard. This had to stop.

They shouldn’t even really be friends. Jared was ten years younger, had a bright ture ahead of him, already getting recruited by companies before he even finished graduate school. On the surface, it didn’t seem like they had much in common.

Jared had challenged him right from the beginning, and at first had been self-righteous, ready to make a fool out of Jensen for his beliefs. Jensen had started the bridge between the GSA and his church group just for this reason. To help each understand the other, to get a dialogue open and ask questions without fear of retribution. He was determined that the youth and young adults he was in charge of wouldn’t grow up to automatically hate without question. He admired Jared for pushing him so hard, for standing up for those that couldn’t because of fear. But then, several months ago, Jared started pushing in a totally different and unacceptable direction.

“Dammit, Jared.”

“Ooh, are you gonna give yourself three Hail Mary’s for swearing in the Lord’s house.”

Normally he was able to handle Jared, but not tonight. “They’re just words and… why am I explaining this to you _again_?”

“Good question. So. Ready to hear my confession?”

Jensen was decidedly not. Jared peppered his confessions with lustful thoughts, although Jensen was sure he made up more than a few, and God forbid if he actually had sex, then Jensen had to hear all about that, too – in minute detail. Sometimes Jensen wondered if Jared was the devil incarnate put before him just to test him.

Jensen stood, ready to head for the door. “Not today, Jared.”

And this is what really got Jensen about Jared. It was like a complete three sixty. Jared turned from being a flirty, tempting morsel to caring and concerned in a heartbeat. He never failed to pick up on Jensen’s emotions. “What happened?”

“I… Jared, I’m tired. It’s been a long day.”

“Jen, c’mon, you know you can talk to me.”

Jared _was_ the only one that Jensen felt he could pour his heart out to. He’d told Jared things he’d never shared with anyone. It didn’t make any sense. Why did he feel this connection to Jared?

“There was a stillborn today. A couple in my congregation has been trying to have a family for a long time.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jared said softly and was around the partition, wrapping his arms around Jensen before he could even think.

“What are you doing?” Jensen managed to choke out.

“You don’t have to pretend with me, Jensen. I know how much losing a child tears you apart.”

“Just a baby,” Jensen murmured, leaning against Jared. “She didn’t even have a chance. The parents were devastated.”

As a priest he was supposed to be the strong one, have the right words, be a comfort at all times. No one asked if he was okay, did he ever get lonely attending wedding receptions alone, or how it felt to give last rights, or even how he managed to get through baptizing an infant that would soon be dead. The congregation was supposed to be his family, but he never felt that way. He’d always been put on a pedestal, held in a higher regard than anyone else, without any cause, just because he wore a collar. He hated it.

And for once, in such a very long time, he was taking what was offered instead of squashing it down. He usually buried it deep inside, so deep he didn’t even have the courage to pray for forgiveness.

He pulled back and briefly looked into Jared’s eyes. Understanding was there, concern as well, but Jensen could still see it, the desire that Jared wanted him. From one breath to the next, Jensen pressed his mouth against Jared’s.

It took only a moment before Jared was kissing him back. The arms that had offered comfort were now crushing him, pulling him impossibly closer. Jared’s tongue demanded entrance and Jensen opened willingly for him. He’d been a teenager the last time he’d kissed anyone like this and oh how he’d missed it.

He let his hands roam, felt the powerful, muscular arms, the trim waist, and the firm backside. Jared was moaning into his mouth, rocking slowly against Jensen’s leg and flashes of desire shot through his body hot as blue blazes. He broke away from the kiss, buried his face in Jared’s neck.

“Oh, God,” Jensen moaned, unable to resist thrusting back against the younger man. “Oh, please.”

“Are you praying for salvation or for me to take you?” Jared whispered against his ear.

Jensen wanted to say that Jared _was_ his salvation, beg for Jared to take him. There was a promise he’d made long ago, however, that made it impossible to do either of those things. He pushed against Jared’s chest.

“I can’t,” Jensen said, shivering against the loss of Jared’s body heat.

“You want it. You want _me_. Quit denying it, Jensen. You’re always saying we have to be honest with ourselves, why the hell can’t you?”

Jensen felt sick. He was wearing his collar, and the confessional stole. Even if he no longer believed in all of it as he used to, he couldn’t sully it for those that did.

“You don’t understand.”

“The hell I don’t,” Jared said, coming close again, cupping Jensen through his pants, and he was hard and leaking, almost coming just from that simple touch. “Let me show you, Jensen. Please, just let me.”

Jared sank to his knees and unzipped Jensen’s pants. He looked up at Jensen, maybe it was for permission, Jensen didn’t even know. His heart felt like it was beating out of his chest when Jared slid his fingers under the elastic of his boxers, gently pulled his erection out before easing them and his pants down his thighs.

“Damn, I knew you’d be beautiful all over,” Jared breathed just before he swiped his tongue across the head of Jensen’s dick, his hands gliding further down his legs, stopping at the slight bow, rubbing them slowly up and down. “You know how sexy your legs are, man? How many times I’ve fantasized about getting a look at them. Picturing them wrapped around me.”

Jensen let his head fall back with a groan. It all sounded and felt too good. Too perfect. And to his shame, not wrong.

“Jensen. Look at me,” Jared commanded, his voice a deep growl and not to be disobeyed.

Jensen licked his lips, knowing what he was going to see, and he actually prayed that he wouldn’t come just from the sight, and slowly looked down.

“Lift your shirt. I want to see as much of you as I can,” Jared said softly.

“Jared, please.” Holy hell, Jensen was panting as if he’d run a mile and he wasn’t even sure what he was begging for.

“I’ll take care of you,” Jared promised with a wicked smirk. “Now do as I say. Lift your shirt.”

It was a black button down, part of his ‘uniform’ as Jared called it, and the tails of the shirt did cover up a lot. He felt like he was exposing more than just skin as he did Jared’s bidding.

“Oh shit yeah, look at you,” Jared breathed as his hands skimmed over Jensen’s hips, stomach and chest. “You’ve denied yourself too long, haven’t you? Ready to come all over my face, aren’t you?”

Jensen couldn’t help the “Fuck” that felt like it punched its way out of him. “Jared, I –” and the rest was lost as Jared finally – thank God, _finally_ – wrapped his lips around him, took him in all the way down to the root.

Jared’s mouth was hot, his tongue hard and wet against the underside of Jensen’s cock. Jensen’s fingers were carding through Jared’s hair, curling in and gripping at the strands before he could even acknowledge that he’d wanted to do that. It was Jared’s hum of approval that had him gasping, coming before he was ready, and Jared just swallowed him down.

Jensen felt like he’d shattered, pieces of him flying all over, and if he had, then Jared was there, putting him all back together again. When he was spent and too sensitive, he pulled away from Jared, pushing slightly, even though he didn’t want to. Jared stood, his eyes dark and dangerous as his hands cupped Jensen’s face. He could smell himself on Jared’s fingers and another wave of desire rolled over him.

Jared kissed him then, and there was no question that Jensen wasn’t going to open for him, that he wasn’t going to swipe his tongue across Jared’s to taste himself. Jensen couldn’t be sure which of them let out the small whine, but he was pretty sure it was him.

When Jared started to taste only like himself, after Jensen had licked all trace of his own essence away, Jared stepped away. “Turn around.”

Jensen didn’t even hesitate, just moved a little awkwardly since his pants were around his ankles. Jared pushed him against the wall, and it felt good actually; cool against his skin and solid, as he stretched his arms up to brace himself.

“I’m not gonna fuck you tonight,” Jared said.

Disappointment curled in Jensen’s belly, but then he could hear Jared fumbling with his belt, his zipper, clothes being pushed out of the way, and it certainly sounded like Jared was going to fuck him. He couldn’t even think of what else he might do, and Jensen didn’t care. He wanted it. Needed it. Whatever it was Jared had in mind, Jensen was all in.

Jared’s words were hot against the back of Jensen’s neck as he said, “I have to feel you, can’t leave tonight without this.”

Jared’s hands were on Jensen’s hips, pulling him back toward him, and when Jensen leaned his forehead against the wall, looking down, he could see Jared’s beat up tennis shoes bracketing his own black leather dress ones. Jensen might have been thinking how sexy that was, how much he had wanted to see that, but that was nothing compared to the feeling of Jared slotting his dick in the crack of Jensen’s ass.

“Oh, holy fuck,” Jared moaned as his fingers gripped Jensen’s hips impossibly tighter. He’d have bruises there for sure and Jensen knew he was going to hell when he couldn’t wait to wake up tomorrow to see them, to press his own fingers into them. To remember.

Jensen pulled his arms in a little tighter to brace himself better after his head knocked into the wall when Jared started rutting against him. Jared was setting a fast pace and was mumbling incoherently, Jensen only catching a few swear words here and there. However, he heard perfectly clear when Jared growled, “Gonna come all over your ass.”

Jensen was getting hard again, and damn if he didn’t want to see Jared do exactly that. He wanted Jared to do to him every filthy and disgusting thing he’d ever uttered in this confessional. He wanted it with every part of his being, right down his very soul.

He turned his head and Jared caught his lips in an awkward kiss, and it was like an empowerment or something. Jensen’s hips stuttered, just a little experiment, and when Jared let go with a loud groan, Jensen felt even more emboldened, grinding back.

“Oh yeah, baby, that’s it,” Jared encouraged. “Bet you’re all ready to come for me again, aren’t you?”

Jensen gasped when Jared’s hand circled his cock, pumped it a few times. It felt incredible, nothing like he’d imagined in his teenage fumbling. Oh yes, he’d slept with a boy before, Jensen had wanted to try it one time before he’d have to give it all up. It hadn’t been horrible, but it was nowhere near this.

Somewhere, somehow, Jensen found the courage to say what he’d longed to since he’d first laid eyes on Jared. “I want you.”

“Oh fuck.” Jared pounded faster and harder against him until everything stilled and Jensen could feel it, could feel Jared’s cock pulsing and his come hitting his back.

“Jared,” Jensen panted, it was blissful and never wanted it to end. “Oh God, Jared.”

Jared was stroking him again. It wasn’t going to take long with Jared’s long, lean length leaning against him, his hot, panting breath close to his ear. Jensen didn’t think it could be anywhere as intense as his first orgasm, but it was, oh God it was.

Jensen was shaking, hardly able to hold himself up once he was finished, but he didn’t want to move. Didn’t want Jared to move. The first kiss signaled the end of him being a priest, he knew that now.

“Are you gonna freak out on me?” Jared asked quietly.

“Um, I’m not sure yet.” Jensen took a deep breath and Jared was pulling away, and yeah, okay, he was going to have a moment. He could see his come sliding down the wall and he used his shirt to wipe it clean. “We shouldn’t have done this.”

“Jensen.” Jared sighed deeply.

“No, I mean, we shouldn’t have done this here.”

Jared’s grin was wide and happy. Jensen would have to see where this was going, where Jared wanted it to go. He knew there would be some guilt, especially when he wrote the letter he had to later, the one resigning his position and asking to be released from his vows. What he felt right now, though was relief.

When Jared leaned over to kiss him, that felt right, too.

 

~end~

 


End file.
